In my cable free world where bunny ears are my only source of tv, Antiques Road Show is the greatest thing ever (besides the Office). I love me some Antiques Road Show! If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend turning pbs on.

Today I took the next step. I ordered tickets to go to the taping in Hartford! It’s doubtful I’ll go, but in August I might have the roadtrip bug and want to go have some crap appraised and get $30,000 for it.

There are several rules to being on Antique Road Show. I have labeled some in this picture…

A: Wearing a floral pattern is a must

B: Big hats are always helpful. Or anything that looks redneck

C: Ugly Crap. You must bring the ugliest thing possible. Ugly = $$$$

D: You gotta be an old mess. The more you look like life has beaten you against a dumpster = more $$$

E: The people in the background. You need a good flat ass and a blank stare on your face to stand in the background

The thing that kills me is when people have some crappy old vase that they found in a closet and it’s worth 50k and they say “Oh, that’s lovely, I’m going to keep it and take good care of it.” Are you kidding? SELL!!! You know as soon as she’s gone the first order of business for her grandkids will be to sell it.

I can’t be the only one that loves this show, am I? Please share some Antiques Road Show love with me.